What I Learned from Road Tripping with 2 Children

Last week I drove 532 miles twice (which according to my calculator = 1,064 miles).  That equated to two 8 1/2 – 9 hour trips, in a car, with two children.  This is what I learned.

  • Leaving at 5:30 am is great because the children will go back to sleep and not wake until 8 am, which is about 30 minutes past the point when your bladder wants to explode because you required a SUPER-SIZED mug of coffee to wake yourself up enough to drive.
  • If you drink enough caffeine throughout the day to stay awake, you will have to stop too often for restroom breaks.
  • Restroom breaks with two children, one of which is potty-training, can not be accomplished in less than 35 minutes.
  • McDonalds has 132 locations along our drive. I know this because my 3 year old shouted “french fries” every time he saw one. 
  • 8 year olds do not believe that Chik-fil-a is closed on Sundays. Even when you drive by the store that has no one in it. They will cry when you tell them you will not stop at every location just to see if one is open.
  • It is possible to drive while reaching your hand into the backseat to pick up a dropped item, smack your 8 year olds leg to get them to stop screaming, and adjust the DVD player.
  • It is not insane to consider stopping at Walmart to purchase a new DVD player if you are unable to fix the old one.
  • It is not insane to buy two of every toy you pack in order to avoid fights.
  • No matter how well you plan, you will likely hit road construction, pouring rain or some other disaster.
  • You can kill at least an hour discussing why Connecticut is not pronounced – Connect-I-cut and why Illinois has a silent “s.”    Let’s not even start on Arkansas. 
  • Dumdum lollipops are the best invention. They are cheap. Children find it difficult to whine when sucking on one. Because they are small, you can give out about 8 before a sugar high meltdown ensues.
  • It is possible to drown out a 3 year old temper tantrum by opening all 4 windows, playing your music at top volume and singing along while driving 90 mph.