Enemies of the Clutz

Clutz – Someone who is extremely careless, stupid and a hazard to be around. Trips over shoes constantly, breaks anything he touches, should not be allowed around heavy machinery or anything that might put other’s lives in danger. (from urban dictionary)

I am a clutz. No doubt about it. From the time I was born I have been a clutz.  I could blame it on the fact that I grew to fast, I have big feet, I have depth-perception issues or on a whole host of issues. But the point is, if the floor is wet, I will fall.

A few years ago, I walked into a very nice resort with a beautiful slate floor. The problem is that it was raining.  I slipped and did the “running man” where you run forward, trying to catch yourself.  I caught myself, all right.  By running, face first, into a jagged rock wall.  I came to looking up at the resort manager asking me my name and if I knew where I was.  I said something about being there for a legal conference to which she responded, “You’re an attorney” and everyone around me (we were all there for the conference) said “Yes, we are all attorneys,” to which I swear she said, “Oh shit!”  One ambulance ride later I was in the ER where I found out that sadly, my nose was not broken.  I was hoping for some plastic surgery – never did like my nose. Unfortunately the doctor said it would go right back to the way it was in a few days when the swelling and black eyes faded.

Last night I thought the meeting started at 6:30.  Only after I had settled Bugaboo in the tub did I realize it started at 6:00 meaning that we were currently already 5 minutes late.  Toddlers don’t like being disrupted when they are in the middle of their favorite activity (bathing) and so he proceeded to throw a fit. You may recall that I have previously been taken out by Bugaboo throwing his plate of food on the floor.  Yes, that was me – the one who slipped on corn and dislocated my knee.  So this time, you’d think I’d be more careful. Nope – ran in the bathroom and WHOOSH!  Flat on my back on the pink tiled floor.  Today my behind provides a remarkable imprint of that tile pattern.  Luckily I escaped this time with minor bruising and a twisted ankle.  I’m not telling anyone though. I can just see the medical records……………Clutz strikes again.

So just call me Clumsy

If you are also Clumsy, let me offer this advice.  Enemies of the Clutzy include –

  • High heeled shoes, wedges or flip-flops – you should avoid these type shoes at all costs.  Clutzes can’t just break a heel like normal people. No, your heel gets caught in the escalator while the rest of you continues moving. Your flipflop melts a bit and adheres to the hot tar of the pavement while you continue to walk. Wedges are just disastrous and not designed for those who lack balance.  Trust me.
  • Stairs, escalators and moving walkways – need I even explain why? 
  • Wet surfaces – just avoid them at all costs.  I am currently working on obtaining a statement from my doctor which excuses me from mopping, bathing, washing my children or dogs, and doing laundry.  I do not do well around wet surfaces.  Perhaps it is because I like swimming so much that my behind desires to be in direct touch with the wet floor?  All I know is that clutzes need to turn and walk away (slowly and carefully) when they see the wet floor sign.
  • Round Objects – balls, beads or other round objects on the floor will inevitably end up underneath your feet.  ‘Nough said
  • Toddlers and pets – yes they will rush at your ankles and knees and yes, they will take you out.
  • Rushing – just when you think you have mastered the art of walking without falling, along comes a deadline.  Rushing is just a way of insuring disaster will come.

The best product for a clutz

Aflac – seriously.

Their accident policy is a blessing.  I collect on it every year (I shouldn’t brag about that probably).  It started when I fell down the stairs at my apartment 10 years ago, just 6 months after getting the policy.  Submitted the doctor’s bill for the diagnosed “Bruised buttocks – use hemoroid-like pillow for sitting” and collected $$.  Then there were the 2 car accidents (only 1 of which was my fault), followed by the run-in (literally) with the rock wall, described above.  Another fall down the stairs (this time they were not carpeted) and then the slip on corn incident.  Too bad my Aflac coverage ended with my last job.  Then again, I’m not sure they wouldn’t try to disqualify me based on my pre-existing condition as a diagnosed Clutz!

(are you a clutz? tell me your best story in the comment section)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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87 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. abichica
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:14:22

    Reading your post i could not stop smiling because i’m such a super clutz.. cool post.. I enjoyed it greatly.. 😀

    Reply

  2. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:15:10

    lol, I’ve had my moments, for sure. Great post – stay safe! 🙂

    Reply

  3. Mikalee Byerman
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:28:56

    I have a friend who is such a klutz, she tripped over a “Wet Floor” sign one day while we were at the mall. Seriously.

    You just can’t make moments like that up. And since the truth is so much stranger than fiction and all, and I’m convinced my own life is the basis of a Lifetime Made-for-TV movie (my blog gives lots of details about this — like the fact that my marriage ended with a brick. A literal brick…), the fact that my friend tripped over a “Wet Floor” sign will definitely be included in my screenplay.

    🙂

    And btw, your whole post (and specifically the resort story) made me smile — and miss my klutzy friend!

    Reply

  4. Mariajose
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:34:26

    I was running once and I don’t know how it happened, I hit a tree. My face went straight in. It was crazy. No injury though, but it did hurt like crazy. Luckily, every time it has rained and I have slipped I have always found some way to catch myself and continue to walk as I laugh a little too loudly so people think I’m okay lol

    Reply

  5. poetsthoughts
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:43:36

    I too am a clutz and wet (or otherwise smooth) surfaces are not my friend. About two winters ago, I was rushing across my yard to meet my mother in the car. It had been snowing for most of the day so there was about three inches of snow on the ground, followed by a very thick, slippery sheet of ice–which I learned about the hard way.
    I ran about three feet out into the yard before I encountered the enemy of my snowboots–the ice! I slipped so quickly that I didn’t even know I had fallen. Until I landed flat on my back, trying to figure out how I ended up on the cold, wet ground to begin with. It left me with a twisted ankle and a very sore, bruised rear end for about a week. Well, that and a me-shaped imprint in the snow as well as the layer of now-cracked ice. 😛

    Reply

  6. natasiarose
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:47:30

    LOL! Ahhh that sounds like a rough tumble. My wife is also a clutzy lawyer, big time. I always tell her to “think about walking” when she’s walking. I find that a lot of clutzes are people who think too much/have a lot on their plate, so personal safety isn’t on their radar.

    Reply

  7. Sylvia Morice
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 14:55:24

    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! I too am a klutz so can empathize with you and all your injuries. Sometimes I think it’s a wonder I’ve only ever broken one bone in my life–but I have dislocated parts of me that I didn’t even know could be dislocated, and I’ve sprained ankles and torn knee ligaments and have had so many bruises that I look like I’ve been beaten with a stick, but I have no one to blame but myself. I just run into things and fall on things and slip on wet floors and carpet runners that are twisted and cracks in sidewalks and…the list goes on and on. I’ll be back to read more of your sad tales, for sure.

    Reply

  8. Kathryn McCullough
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:00:46

    If there’s a toy to trip over, I’ll find it. If there’s dog to stumble over, I’ll locate the fuzzy, furry trip-hazard without fail. I’m a clutz. For me, it’s a sickness. It may even be a curse.

    Sorry to hear you suffer from the same affliction. I pitty you! I pitty me. Maybe we need to start a support group. “Hello, my name is Kathy, and I’m a clutz!”

    Kathy

    Reply

  9. mthoffman
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:05:52

    As a giant clutz, I completely agree with your list of things one should avoid. As much as I love my flip-flops, they are a nightmare to wear sometimes. There’s always someone behind me who accidentally steps on the heal of my flip-flop, causing both my flip-flop and foot/leg to malfunction. Oh, and pets? Don’t get me started! – I swear they have a secret plot to make me fall down a flight of stairs, (which I’ve had the pleasure of doing).

    I wish I had a dollar for every time I (attempted/rushed) to answer a knock at the door – One memorable time I tried, I literally tumbled from my bedroom door to the front door; seeing my friends puzzled look as he saw me sprawled out on the ground was pretty amusing.

    Oh yes. The world is an adventurous place for clumsy people.

    Reply

  10. conniewalden
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:23:17

    Thank you so much. I needed to laugh. Connie
    http://7thandvine.wordpress.com/

    Reply

  11. melanonce
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:32:35

    Klutz is spelled with a ‘k,’ not a ‘c’.

    Reply

    • Legally Insane Mommy
      Sep 13, 2011 @ 20:30:03

      Figures. My post gets noticed by freshly pressed and I learn that I spelled klutz incorrectly. Or did I? My extensive (10 minutes worth) of research reveals that it is frequently spelled both ways and it depends on what dictionary you use. Admittedly most spelled it with a “k” and by the way, if you are interested, klutz is a Yiddish word.

      Reply

      • melanonce
        Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:56:31

        What a great language. They have the best words for everything lacking a word in English. I did enjoy your post! Sorry to be a Nazi about mechanics.

  12. ashleyjillian
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:33:28

    Reply

  13. Lakia Gordon
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:34:09

    Classic response! (When everyone said that they were attornies!)

    Reply

  14. zomelie
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:39:18

    I learned the hard way that wet, metal stairs and loose sandals do not mix. I feel face forward down half the flight. Nothing was broken, but I had a nice bruise on my chin where it had met the concrete. My students did not believe that I had done this to myself, and I had quite a few offers from a few of the chivalrous males to beat up the guy who did it.

    Reply

  15. jenniesisler
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:42:33

    While I’m not a serial clutz, I did post a story on my blog about one horrifically embarassing fall I had at the beach a few years ago.

    You can ready about it here: http://jenniesisler.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/falling-friday5-for-september-2-2011/

    At least it didn’t get as bad as it could have been. And at least your latest fall wasn’t as bad as it could have been either:)

    Reply

    • Legally Insane Mommy
      Sep 13, 2011 @ 20:33:01

      Ouch – sounded painful. By the way, I find carp fascinating ugly too. Did you know they like popcorn? There is a lake nearby where you can buy popcorn to feed them and watch hundreds come to the surface to eat.

      Reply

  16. wadingacross
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 15:48:46

    Absolutely funny.

    I don’t think I could top it, nor will I try!

    Reply

  17. Rohini
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 16:02:04

    Awesome post! Never thought of Aflac, thanks for the tip!
    One more addition to the klutz list could be manholes, my feet always find a way to get stuck in it and trip–happened last week too!

    Reply

  18. littlemissbakeaholic
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 16:07:24

    I was playing monkey in the middle on the schoolyard. I wasn’t it. And I wasn’t even moving either. But I shifted the weight between by legs, and I kind of fell on the ground and broke my wrist…….
    Also, I broke my pinky playing teatherball at sleepaway camp and when I was five, dropped a bowling ball on my middle finger.
    Clutzes forever!!

    Reply

  19. mssc54
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 16:23:45

    Nope, no clutz here.

    I bet your slipping on the slate floor story was as good when the manager told it…. some months later.

    I sure wish I had AFLAC. I’m still recovering from a deep second degree burn to my ankle/foot.

    It’s not really a clutz story but; I was cleaning (at a big discount) a lady’s upholstered furniture. She lives on the second floor back off of a city street so I had to run about 100′ of hose. Which isn’t normally a big deal. The big deal is that if I don’t cycle the water in time the water temperature gets up to around 300 degrees!

    So I’m finishing up the job and she stopped me to chat (which means the water isn’t cycleing). I get down to the machine and I see that the warning light is on for the YOU HAD BETTER BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU OPEN THE RELEIF VALVE thingy. There is a three foot hose on the relief valve so I normally put it on the ground, point it underneath the van (away from me) and shut the machine off while opening the valve. Except this time I was mixing up some powered agents and needed the hot water. I should have held the hose with my gloved hand and slooooowwwwly opened that valve. Man that thing was like a steaming serpant! It ended up hitting my inner left ankle/foot. I’ve never taken that sock and shoe off so fast. I won’t go into the gory details about the burn but it was pretty bad. I did get a Gama-radiated, cadaver skin graft though. And it took! Su-weet deal there.

    I wonder if AFLAC would have paid my over $1,700 emergency room bill.

    Reply

  20. The Hobbler
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 16:47:53

    I was/am a clutz too. Thankfully I am in a wheelchair (only in part because I’m a clutz…fell when going to the bathroom and broke my hip, but I also have MS, so I would have probably ended up there anyway. Wheelchairs and walkers are great for clutzes, although I still have to worry about burning myself, and a few other things. I think insurance should allow for these kind of aides if you can get a dr. to sign off on the clutz factor. They would probably save money in the long run.

    Reply

  21. followingfunny
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 16:57:12

    Well, I am a chronic faller and ankle sprainer. I have written that in a reply somewhere previously I believe. If there is a rock in the parking lot, a chunk of ice the size of a pea, a slight dip in the lawn or a water spot anywhere, I will fall on it. This usually happens while there is a fairly large audience to enjoy the show. They try not to laugh but they can’t help it. I wouldn’t be able to help it either.

    I’m still looking for the Chronic Fallers Support Group, until then it’s flats and tennis shoes (which aren’t always safe either).

    Here’s to staying upright!

    Reply

  22. Sisterhood of the Traveling Military Pants
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:04:34

    Maybe you’re growing! At least that’s what our doctor tells my kids after they have bouts of clumsiness:) Sorry to hear of your misfortune, but good thing you have that insurance.

    Reply

  23. cassiecares
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:16:26

    Doorknobs! I have a permanent bruise on my hips from crashing into doorknobs. It’s tough being Clumsy, that’s for sure.

    Reply

  24. GraceLynneFleming
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:23:47

    this made me laugh – love the wet surfaces and shoes tip!

    -grace

    Reply

  25. brandimiller
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:28:19

    Haha I’d say I’m probably a clutz. I have particularly bad luck when it comes to things that I avoid specifically because I know they are dangerous.

    I don’t like sports because I’m always scared I’ll get hurt.

    -When I was in kindergarten my parents made me play softball because they wanted me to be “involved” in things. We had been practicing for a while, and our very first game came up. It was my turn to bat and I told them I didn’t want to because I was scared I’d get hit in the head. They reassured me, “you won’t get hit with the ball. The pitcher (the coach) knows what they are doing. They won’t hit you.” So I go up to bat, and on the very first pitch, the ball hits me RIGHT in the head. I guess the good news is I got to take a base. I quit softball after that game.

    -A few years later my cousins were playing baseball in the back yard. They asked me if I wanted to play, but I said no because I was too scared. I was standing behind the batter, and I guess I was standing a little too close because I got hit in the head with the bat, and ended up having to go to the ER and get stitches right between my eyes. I still have a scar from it.

    -Add to that countless times when someone is playing ball/catch/football/basketball/etc. and I stand far away because I’m worried I’ll get hit. They look at me like I’m crazy for being so scared, but sure enough almost every time I am around someone playing a game with a ball, it comes flying at my face.

    I’ve never really liked fireworks because I thought they were scary and dangerous.

    -When I was a kid I used to cry every time someone would shoot off fireworks. I was finally starting to get over this, when I was playing with a cousin during 4th of July. We were walking together quite a distance from where they were shooting off fireworks, and suddenly one came flying towards us and landed right between us.

    -More recently, my dad and some of my friends decided they wanted to go shoot off bottle rockets in a nearby lake. I didn’t want to go, but they talked me into it. I didn’t want to shoot any off because I was scared, so I sat a few feet behind them, playing my PSP, while they threw bottle rockets into the lake. One of them accidentally threw one on the ground, which made them start a sort of “bottle rocket fight” where they were throwing them towards each others’ feet. I told them to quit it because someone was going to get hurt, but they kept going. Then one of the bottle rockets flew towards me, and hit my arm, causing me to spaz and drop my PSP in the mud. The bottle rocket landed right next to my PSP and exploded. Luckily my PSP came away unharmed, and my arm only had a burn mark.

    Reply

  26. mssc54
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:37:23

    PS: Let me know if you want to see what a Gama-radiated skin graft looks like and I’ll email you. I thought it was pretty cool.

    Reply

  27. kianys
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 17:59:10

    Total Clutz, but more in the can’t-be-left-alone-with-anything-potentially-dangerous-because-she-will-harm-herself – funnily enough I am also an an attorney. So maybe there is some connection there that escapes me 😉

    Reply

  28. St. Cain
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:02:54

    haha awesome

    Reply

  29. djmiller878
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:03:17

    love this blog i am doing mine like yours. Mine is following a man struggling with being set free .. You are very talented. Love this post

    Reply

  30. corzgalore
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:12:17

    Hahah, I love that.
    I’m a clutz too, so I know exactly what you are talking about.

    Reply

  31. nerdyplatypus
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:36:40

    Haha, that’s totally me. I’m in high school, and had to practically run up the stairs and down the hall to get to my class. Of course, someone had the very back end of their foot in my path, causing me to trip over it, run and almost-trip about 10 feet, finishing with a beautiful slam into the lockers and onto the floor. I was okay (I immediately got up and laughed along with everyone who witnessed my slow crash) but I was still late for class.

    My klutziness doesn’t occur as often as most other klutzes, but it seems to be worse than others when it strikes. For example, most clumsy people would just trip over a backpack or a book while walking in class. Oh, not me. Not to be outdone, I once tripped over a whole desk, knocking it over and landing on the floor next to it. (I ended up okay and laughing then, too.)

    Reply

  32. crazyam9
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:38:19

    I am a clutz. I can not walk in flip-flops. My funny little story is that I look like I’m doing some sort of ancient dance because I am constantly slipping and not picking my feet high enough off the ground and tripping myself on a flat surface. I can never get off of escalators without feeling like I’m going to fly forward and crash into somebody or something. I have kicked door frames so hard that I thought I broke my toe and I probably have because I never go to the hospital unless absolutely needed which is probably bad.

    Reply

  33. thebigbookofdating
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:43:22

    O dear, I hope all is better now!

    Reply

  34. Michael Lange Optometrist
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 18:53:24

    isn’t it spelled Klutz?

    Reply

  35. Gaga Lady
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 19:38:20

    Yup! I know that clutzy feeling! I blogged about the ignominy of falling publicly! http://gagalady.wordpress.com/2011/06/21/falling-slowly/
    Congrats on FreshPressed. 🙂

    Reply

  36. clearlyclockwork
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 20:26:12

    Yes, I would say I’m a clutz. Just today when I was packing my bag to leave one of the classrooms I knocked the back of my head against the edge of the desk, pinched the skin between my thumb and pointer finger in the broken hinge of my laptop, (still needing to be fixed), and then finished off this personal assault by taking out my other hand on the lectern beside my desk while putting my backpack on my back. That by the way was within a four minute time span. So yes to answer your question, I am a clutz. 🙂

    Reply

  37. oldsoulblues
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:00:22

    I broke my foot twice. Once I stepped on my son’s wooden train trestle, which was lying in the middle of the living room floor at the time, in plain sight, twisting my foot (not my ankle?!). Another time we were playing tag–in the house…I know, really!–And I jammed my foot into a door frame. So, consider adding toddler toys and “play” activities (Whoo! Fun!) to your list of Danger Prone Situations.

    Reply

  38. newsy1
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:05:58

    I’ve been a klutz all my life and even spawned a klutz kid. I once went to get out of a car and as I opened the car door my purse strap got caught on my hoop earring and was pulling my ear as I further opened the door. I once sank in the mud on what looked like dry dirt and when I stepped out my shoes stayed a foot under in the mud….I could write a book on the weird klutzy stuff of my life. Terrific post that brought back klutzy memories.

    Reply

    • Legally Insane Mommy
      Sep 14, 2011 @ 07:43:40

      I have a klutz kid too. She is the only child I know who can run head first into a friend at daycare and fall down, breaking 2 bones in her foot. Maybe there is something to gymnastics because one of my first really bad clumsy accidents was running to kick a soccer ball against an opponent, who was also my mom. She moved and I moved and I ended up kicking her shin hard enough to break my big toe!

      Reply

  39. Go Send or Disobey
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:12:38

    Yeah, I’m a klutz, too. I was riding my bike on a freshly repaved straightaway, no one else in sight, and I crashed. One year later I still can’t figure out how I did it. It’s a special talent.

    Reply

  40. chuckcotton
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:14:03

    should bananas be added to the list?

    Reply

  41. Kelsey
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:40:59

    Haha love this post, I can totally relate. As for stories, there are far too many. Stairs are my enemy though.

    “Rushing – just when you think you have mastered the art of walking without falling, along comes a deadline. Rushing is just a way of insuring disaster will come.” Probably your best warning. I run into, trip, get caught on things far more often when I’m rushing .

    Reply

  42. KL
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 21:42:27

    I’m not a klutz, but my Mum sure is! She has provided many an entertaining moment for the whole family throughout the years. Like the time we got Chinese take away food and she was so hungry (and spritely) that she ran and leaped over our lounge to get to the food when it arrived. She somehow crashed over the back of the lounge and broke her ankle!! I am laughing quite hard right now at the memory, but of course we were very concerned and sorry for her poor ankle. She still at least got to eat the food before she would let us attend to her broken bones!
    KL

    Reply

  43. lostnchina
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 22:08:13

    HIGHlarious!

    Reply

  44. Nicole
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 22:26:36

    Very funny post, good advice, and nicely written.

    Reply

  45. Nour
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 23:25:49

    Oh, this is too cute! No, I’m not a klutz, but one of my sibling is! Witnessing her “accidents” are always so amusing–I know I’m awful! But the important thing is SHE can laugh about them too 🙂

    Too be honest, I’ve always found klutzy people kind of charming–if anything, there is never a boring moment with them 🙂

    Reply

  46. critters and crayons
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 23:51:43

    This is hilarious! I’m with you, sister! hahahahaha!

    Reply

  47. Jennifer R.
    Sep 13, 2011 @ 23:54:20

    Grass, not wet floors, is my nemesis. You see grass doesn’t grow evenly. There are slight deviations to the terrain that cause my ankle to turn and give out. I’ve fallen more times than I can count. Now my ankle is a wreck.

    The worst was in college. We had been out drinking when I got mad at my boyfriend and stormed off to go back to campus. As I stepped off the curb I fell. Not because I was tipsy but because I’m a Klutz! I sprained my ankle something awful. Fortunately an upperclassman saw me fall and got his roommate’s car. He drove me back up the hill to my dorm. I was so eternally grateful – that was one big hill!!

    Reply

  48. stressingoutstudent
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:13:36

    In elementary school, I was sitting with the rest of my grade on the floor, criss-cross apple sauce. The people front and center were talking for a really long time and the floor was cramped, so I couldn’t stretch my legs. So, naturally, my legs fell asleep. In the assembly, each student would walk up, shake hands with the principal and recieve a certificate. When it was my turn, I got up and my legs wobbled a little and stung (in the sleeply leg fashion). Took a few steps and my legs decided to give way right in front of the principal… and the rest of my grade… The principal helped me up. Needless to say, I was beet red and dead embarrassed.

    Reply

  49. fornormalstepfathers
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:19:42

    Clutzs and klutzs are cute! If a person embraces being a klutz, it is very cute. Although Aflac is still a good idea 🙂

    http://www.googlefight.com definitely gives more results to klutz, and on-line merriam webster has only klutz, but since the explanation is “clumsy person”, I guess clutz made its way into the language.

    It is a very appropriate to write clutz in the post about klutz. I loved this post and am subscribing to your blog!

    Reply

  50. caseykayb
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:33:26

    What comes to mind for me is the time at my friend’s 18th birthday when we were playing tag in her backyard. She had a chocolate lab or something like that (I am not good at identifying dog breeds) who came up to my knees. The dog ran directly in front of me and I did one of those where you flip up in the air and fall down on your butt.

    By the way, why do we always fall on our rumps where we can bruise our tailbones (did that on the trampoline one year and had to carry a pillow around school for three weeks for sitting) instead of landing on our feet all the time like cats?

    Reply

  51. riddigeuleuh
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:50:52

    funny story and thanks to give me a new word…

    Reply

  52. hillarydiane
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 00:56:46

    This is so me!! lol

    Reply

  53. Wayne Augden
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 01:00:02

    LMBO! Hysterical. I will certainly be reading you again.

    Reply

  54. C.B. Wentworth
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 01:23:49

    Lol! I’ve fallen victim to every item on your list! My best fall . . . missing a step at the British Museum, which lead to whacking my head on a sarcophagus lid in the Ancient Egyptian exhibit. It left a mark and everything. 🙂

    Great post for the hand/eye coordination impaired!

    Reply

  55. Thrift Shopping Buzz
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 02:58:51

    Cute post- and I totally know what you mean about the clutzy feeling. I have taken the occasional unceremonious tumble myself– and it always seems to happen when people are watching. 🙂

    Reply

  56. lythya
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 05:59:39

    My mother and I are great tea drinkers, and we both enjoy HUGE mugs. Two years back we had four of them. Now one remained – in past tense. It is not alive anymore. Guess who destroyed it – filled with peach tea – along with her favorite midieval mug? Yes, me. I was sick whilst that happened, too, but had to fight my way to school anyway, so inevitably I had a frustrated fit. *sigh* I find consolation in the fact that I have a friend who is even worse. Yesterday she destroyed a glass of mustard and a vase, both without doing anything.

    (But the biggest clutz is Butters from South Park, managing to fall on a flat floor.)

    Reply

  57. missbisdak
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 07:11:30

    LOL I’m a clutz myself!

    Reply

  58. mffanrodders
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 07:25:18

    LOL, i feel your pain. 🙂 A great post and one that i shall pass on to friends.

    Congratulations on being freshley pressed.

    Reply

  59. DM
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 07:52:10

    Congrat’s again on being freshly pressed! DM

    Reply

  60. Seraph
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 09:18:53

    I’ve always been a huge klutz. (congrats, by the way, for being freshly pressed)
    When I was really young, I was rushed to the emergency room for falling off the top bunk and hitting my head on the dresser.
    A few years later, I had to go back to the doctors for being hit in the head by a fat kid on a swing. (though that’s more of just plain ‘stupidity’ than klutzyness)
    As far as I’m concerned,
    the dishwasher, the small table in the dining room, and flip flops are both A. out to get me, and B. pure evil.
    I can, and have, tripped while standing still and managed to face-plant.

    I can’t say that I’m the most klutzy out of anyone I know. I had a friend, honest to God, who can trip while walking in a swimming pool and face-plant onto the surface of the water.
    That’s skills. (It’s interesting to watch, actually. It’s like a fall in slow-motion.)
    She also broke her pinky on one of those disposable plastic water bottles;
    while it was about half-full. (slid it across the table; she caught it wrong somehow, and broke her pinky. Again, skillful.)

    There are forces at work against me, and every inanimate object in my house is in on it…

    Reply

  61. Sophia Morgan (griffinspen)
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 09:21:39

    Haha, great post! So sorry for the pains and falls you’ve experienced! I’m not always a klutz, but I have known to be one at some points. Once, while leaving a room, I ran into a glass door. And then when I went back–I ran into it again! And yes, smacking into walls (though rock sounds much worse than glass) hurts!

    Reply

  62. taureanw
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 09:29:38

    I’m forcing my wife to read this for obvious reasons 🙂

    Reply

  63. Gail-Tzipporah Saunders
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 09:43:07

    I though that klutz was spelled klutz.

    Reply

  64. the art crowe
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 10:30:34

    I am also quite klutzy, but I think you have me beat. Thank you for the great post! I was laughing and smiling all through it. I will be back to read more 🙂

    Reply

  65. Katie
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 10:39:59

    As a lawyer and a clutz myself, I wonder if the two go hand in hand? 🙂

    I have been staring at the puddle of water that keeps forming by a drinking fountain on tiles in my building, wondering when I will slip and fall on it.

    And escalators? The bf may laugh at me, but I hate them oh so much because I know that I am going to trip on them one of these days.

    Me? I fly off of treadmills.

    Reply

  66. workingonthemindbodyandspirit
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 11:33:27

    I’m with you on this one. I use to trip every single day coming down the stairs after school when I was a child. And when I say every single day, I mean it got to the point where a friend of mine would wait down at the bottom of the steps with his arms open wide, waiting for me to take a tumble.
    I give you my sympathy, from one clutz to another.

    Reply

  67. Rayme Wells @ A Clean Surface
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 12:41:14

    I have those depth perception issues, and I know exactly what you mean. No glasses = who put that door there?

    Reply

  68. lifewithmytwoboys
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 12:42:25

    I trip over my pants. I have these super comfy pajama pants that are just a loose gauzy material that are stretchy. Yup. Get my foot caught in them almost every time I wear them. My husband made me get rid of them.

    When I was pregnant with my oldest, I fell 3 times in two days. My husband wanted to wrap me in bubblewrap.

    Reply

  69. Hafsa K
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 13:34:00

    God! I am such a total clutz too! I just have to trip and fall like nearly everyday! :D’
    Hilarious a\post! I’ll definitely come back for more!
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! 🙂

    Reply

  70. Hafsa K
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 13:34:09

    God! I am such a total clutz too! I just have to trip and fall like nearly everyday! :D’
    Hilarious post! I’ll definitely come back for more!
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! 🙂

    Reply

  71. Writing away from reality
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 16:22:05

    Unknown to most people, tripping up the stairs is quite easy, and not really very klutzy! But tripping before you even get to the stairs, then sliding on carpet to fall head over heals down them and landing at the feet of a very surprised guest is actually an art form!(found out by me)

    Reply

  72. Mark C
    Sep 14, 2011 @ 22:14:46

    HaHa too funny. No Wonder WordPress noticed you.

    Keep up the good work. Nice string of followers.

    Mark

    Reply

  73. Rai
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 08:31:35

    I wonder how many people are like, “nice blog, lol. so, i have this legal problem…..”

    The perils of being a lawyer.

    Your blog is awesome!!!!!!!!

    btw, I have this legal problem….

    Reply

  74. youhadmeathelloxp
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 12:42:46

    . Well have you ever seen those windex commercials with the ravens that run into the window because it is so clean? Well, in this case, the bird is me.. It was thanksgiving of last year, the whole family gathered in the living room and there were kids running all over the place! My little brother had fallen onto the concrete in the backyard and in attempt to be superwoman and save the day, i ran to his rescue. Only to realize a few seconds later, that the glass door was closed. and SMACK! my face was plastered to the door, and the whole family was present to see.

    Reply

  75. Trackback: Enemies of the Clutz (via Legallyinsanemommy’s Blog) « Keyboardmash
  76. lostnchina
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 03:54:21

    After reading this, I feel A LOT better about my klutziness, which just entails falling over my feet from time to time and then catching myself…

    Reply

  77. Mariajose
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 07:42:17

    You know, it’s so funny how yesterday your blog just popped into my head, right after slipping at the supermarket. Yup. Insane.

    Reply

  78. kristia41
    Sep 17, 2011 @ 00:04:51

    I’m a clutz too! And I can relate to the stories you posted! You’re not alone sister!

    Reply

  79. rakhikankane
    Sep 17, 2011 @ 01:52:27

    Interesting blog!:)

    Reply

  80. gaycarboys
    Sep 18, 2011 @ 12:04:41

    Im with you on the escalator front.

    Reply

  81. realanonymousgirl2011
    Sep 19, 2011 @ 21:16:49

    Yeah, I think you have me beat. I tend to run into anything sticking out of walls or sharp edges. I can’t walk around a corner without catching a knob or some sharp object. But I think the worst part about falling isn’t necessarily getting hurt but it’s the embarrassment. Everyone comes running and pointing out, are you ok? Mortification….bet you’re used to that!

    Reply

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