Sick Sense of Humor – these are the days of my life

 When you do this kind of work you have develop thick skin and a sick sense of humor. Otherwise you spend all your time crying or going crazy. Not that I don’t do my fair share of that too.  However, today has been especially raunchy around here — the fact that it is Friday isn’t hurting.

This morning my first call was from an adult services social worker to tell me our guy wasn’t dead yet. That’s a shame. Today at 9:30 our order expires and we have to conduct a hearing. This isn’t the type of thing you can continue. This gentleman is on death’s door and has lived a week longer than we expected.  Yesterday a bank found an account in his name. Which means if he doesn’t die before our hearing today we have to deal with medicaid and estate guardianship issues.  So the question of the day in that area is “has the old man kicked the bucket yet?”

In my other line of work, it is baby daddy & baby mamma tax day. Today is the tax deadline.  In child support court, that means at midnight we seize lots of money. The deadbeats call because they learn there is a lien on the refund they’ve probably already spent. The custodial parent calls wanting to know how soon they will receive their portion.  The new spouses call wanting to make sure that “their” portion comes to them and not the ex.  Today is “show me the money — or not” day in child support.

In child welfare, it is “baby snatching” day.  Apparently the full moon triggered a whole rash of stupidity.  What moron thinks it is okay to leave their children in Toys R Us to play?  There is not a sign that says “leave your 2, 4 and 7 year olds here for 3 hours and we’ll be sure to watch them.”  Granted the children had a blast. But that’s not the point.  Another parent didn’t understand that spring break did not mean she could leave her 15 year old home alone for a week while she went to the beach.  A father wanted to know how on earth he was supposed to make his son go to school — apparently he’s never made his son do anything, including brush his teeth — since after taking custody of that child we had to take him to the dentist to have the majority of his teeth pulled.  And my favorite — the mamma who let her 13 year old drive her home from the bar. The 13 year old successfully drove home, but his mother didn’t think he could parallel park. So, she got behind the wheel to do that part.  Ended up hitting 2 parked cars and setting off the car alarms, resulting in the police being called, at which point she said to her son, “I should have let you finish driving.”   So I’m off to snatch some babies — and big kids too.  Maybe I should let the 13 year old drive……

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