State of the Union

 Did you watch the State of the Union Address last night? Of course you did – there was NOTHING ELSE ON.  I see the SOTU as similar to a New Years resolution speech. (side note – does anyone else mis-see SOTU as STFU or is it just me?)  I did not do the requisite New years’ resolution blog post because (1) it would look the same as last years and (2) my resolutions get broken.  But then I saw this cartoon and thought it was too cute to pass up.  So…

Ladies and Gentleman Blog Readers. I want to welcome you to this blog where you will find satire, complaints, general whining and hopefully some humor.

I am pleased to announce growth of this union. The entire cause of this growth is yet to be determined, but can mostly be attributed to much chocolate and not enough exercise.  There was a recent decrease in growth and size.  However, an influx of snow has stabilized the somewhat-rapid decrease in size and we are now about where we were four months ago.

I am also pleased to announce that we have obtained the impossible — namely cramming thirty hours worth of stuff into a twenty-four hour period.  This year we will work on figuring out how to add those extra six hours back into the day, preferably in a supine, relaxed position.

The youngest member of the House is showing signs of wanting to potty train. This may seem like a good idea except for the fact that it is winter. Winter means cold temperatures which means layers of clothes which is never a good thing when pottying.  We have submitted a formal request that he continue in diapers until summer at which time he can run around naked.  We have also requested that he, instead, focus on sleeping through the night in his own bed. Or at least sleeping through the night in our bed without the kicking, scratching, insistent need to rub Mommy’s arm ALL NIGHT LONG.

The oldest child in the House has been given a cabinet position of Drama Queen.  It is a cabinet position because her butt will be permanently affixed to the corner cabinet in perpetual time out, should her sassy mouth not change lickety split.  She successfully negotiated the piercing of her ears and we are firmly convinced that her manners exited her brain at that time.

The adult male in the House is in a state of deep depression following the termination of deer season.  He is attempting to negotiate a peace treaty following his suggestion that he be granted one additional hunting trip. The peace treaty will be successful depending on his acquiescence to take the youngest members of the House with him on this expedition, thereby leaving Mommy alone.

The female adult in the household, otherwise known as the First Lady, is trying to focus on work but keeps getting distracted by thoughts of her upcoming girls’ trip and  beach vacation, both of which just required the payment of hefty deposits.  In the upcoming year she hopes you will see a little less (literally) of her as she attempts (again) to embark on a healthier lifestyle. She also hopes to actually catch up in her scrapbooking tasks so that she is only one year behind.  This may require the utmost sacrifice of her, consisting of at least one girls’ trip per month.  She expresses a willingness to make that sacrifice.

In closing, thank you for reading and feel free to comment often.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tracie
    Jan 26, 2011 @ 15:28:51

    Love the idea behind this post.

    I have one of those drama queen cabinet members at my house.

    If you figure out how to get extra sleeping time in every day, I will nominate you for president and run your campaign myself.


  2. lawyerchik
    Jan 26, 2011 @ 23:09:29

    That is hilarious!! I hadn’t realized how much the SOTU and STFU had in common, but you’re right! Well-written! 🙂


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