Faster than a Speeding Bullet

 When my son was born, Munchkin was 4 1/2.  After she got over the shock that we were having a boy, directly contrary to her demands that we produce a sister, she adapted pretty well to the idea of a baby brother.  She was fascinated by the differences between boys and girls.  We have always taught her the correct and proper names for body parts, but for some reason she dubbed her little brother’s penis a “bullet.”  (Well, okay. I guess it does look a bit like the bullets Daddy shoots when deer hunting.)

In any event, the conversations around the house the first few months when all the new visitors stopped by was something along the lines of, “This is my baby brother. He has a bullet…yes Mommmmmm, I know it is a penis (sigh).”  Typically she then proceeded to explain that when changing his diaper you had to cover up the bullet really fast because it was speedy and if you were not quick, it would pee on you.  And yes, I did get inducted in the Mommy-of-a-Boy hall of fame very quickly after his birth when he peed on me.  Is it any wonder that you can often hear Husband and I remark, as we change diapers, “whew, faster than the speeding bullet this time.” 

Fast forward to present time and Munchkin is now 6 1/2.  Bugaboo has just turned 2.  He moved up to the 2 year old room at daycare recently. In his new room, they have one of those toddler toilets that is very low to the ground.  Instead of changing diapers on a diaper table, they encourage the children to sit on the potty and they change diapers in the bathroom.  Bugaboo is now fascinated by the potty.

I had intended to potty train in the summer, when as all mothers who have potty trained know, it is easiest.  When little children can run around naked without freezing their nuts off – in Bugaboo’s case, perhaps literally (sorry, couldn’t resist).  However, Bugaboo is persistent so out came the potty seat.  Now he insists on going potty at least two times every evening.  Which requires stripping him of his pants, onsie and diaper, and shirt and socks. Because Bugaboo insists he can only sit on the potty completely naked.  I don’t know why. Maybe because at home he usually tries to go potty before bath?  In any event he sits there until I pull his shivering body off the potty as he screams, “No. More potty. More potty.”

Despite the time involved in undressing and re-dressing a squirming toddler multiple times in the evening, there is an advantage to this potty business. He’ll sit there, and sit still for 10-15 minutes.  Which means I have roughly 30 minutes in the evening to do something.  Lately, Munchkin has needed to sit on the potty too. They think it is great fun to potty together. Which means I have time ALONE without a child clinging to me.  I have begun to refer to this as the Potty Race.  I strip Bugaboo down, put him on the potty, and race to put up the dishes.

Bugaboo has not yet gone potty.  Nothing has been produced.  He does enjoy unrolling toilet paper in mass quantities and “wiping” and throwing the toilet paper in his potty, or on the floor, or wherever.

The other evening I stripped Bugaboo in preparation for his bath. He decided he wanted to potty.  Munchkin needed to potty too.  When I walked back by the bathroom, there they were sitting on their respective potties – both completely naked.  Munchkin had produced magazines for each to read.  It was quite cute.  I raced to put up the laundry and then returned to overhear this conversation…..

“No Bugs. Put your bullet down.  Not up — down. You have to point it down so you don’t pee on the floor.  That’s good. Now leave it.”

“No Bugs. Down I said. Point it down. Now leave it alone. Alone I said. Don’t touch”

“Mommy. Bugaboo won’t stop wiping and now his bullet is standing up and won’t go down.”

Yep that’s my signal that it is time to start the bath.  I don’t know much about the male population but I have learned that their preoccupation with their “bullets” starts at a very young age.  As does the female population’s demands to “leave that thing alone!”


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lawyerchik1
    Dec 14, 2010 @ 10:39:54

    That is hilarious!! I love it that your daughter is so maternal already toward her little brother, too!! Brought back a lot of memories – although I don’t remember my sister, my brothers or myself ever wanting communal potty time….. Even then, we favored the solitude of the bathroom!! 🙂


  2. DM
    Dec 14, 2010 @ 17:47:40

    this one made me chuckle.


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